Mini Test Road Test
The whole notion of hot-rod trucks and SUVs still stumps us. It's like painting racing stripes on your lawn mower or entering a Clydesdale in the Belmont Stakes. Sure, you could do it. But why?
That said, it somehow feels about 90-percent right-on for a pair of respected SCCA racers to stuff a 395-horse small-block into the nose of a Chevrolet just to see what happens. That's what Americans do, right? In this case, the Chevrolet is an otherwise mundane SUV, and the hot rodders are GM wunderkinder John Heinricy and Thomas Wallace. After burning the hides off several hundred custom-made Eagle RS-As, what they came up with is the TrailBlazer SS.
You know what? It isn't so goofy after all. Any time you can purchase 395 horses for $33,600 (the base two-wheel-drive "LS" model) or for $39,200 (the loaded "LT" with all-wheel drive), you've got a shot at witnessing a Clydesdale bag the Triple Crown.
What you notice first about the SS is what you don't notice. No wings, spoilers, slats, or cladding. Just a trio of modest SS badges, a stealthier stance (25 millimeters lower fore, 45mm aft), and a quartet of polished 20-inch wheels that the guys on Whips would sell only to a CPA. From 20 yards distant, not even Mrs. Heinricy will notice the subtle brake ducts or the cold-air intake cleverly tucked below the right headlight.
The heart of this exercise, naturally, is the 6.0-liter pushrod LS2 engine that produces 400 pound-feet of torque at 4000 rpm. In case you've forgotten, the LS2 is the V-8 found underhood in the Corvette, Pontiac GTO, and Chevy SSR. In TrailBlazer SS guise, the engine is Miss Manners with a cup of decaf chai-smooth idle, refined throttle tip-in, and a tell-no-tales exhaust burble. Until you slide past 4000 rpm. Then the SS wails like Jimmie Johnson's Monte Carlo at Darlington, the scenery begins to blur, and your passengers reach for the Jesus bars.
Heinricy tested a two-wheel-drive version that achieved 60 mph in 5.4 seconds, the quarter-mile in 13.9 seconds, and 0.80 g on the skidpad. Following a brief drive in a similar SS, we have no reason to doubt his sums. Top speed is governed to 130 mph, probably sufficient for a 4600-pound SUV.
To cope with such velocity, the SS's underpinnings have been comprehensively testosteronated. There are stiffer springs, shocks, and bars, not to mention firmer bushings all around and a 9.5-inch rear axle with limited slip, plus thicker front rotors and Corvette pads. Around the C/D handling loop, the SS proved flat, stable, able. All the stock TrailBlazer's squirming body motions have been erased, ditto the squirmy steering. And when we asked for straight ahead-another talent the standard TrailBlazer lacks-we got it. The downside is just what you'd expect. A very firm ride. The suspension doesn't transmit small displacement jitters, but if the front wheels catch a frost heave at the same moment, prepare to be snapped to attention. The condition of your local roads may well determine whether you can live with an SS.
At every new-car intro, one scribe or another always asks, "Who do you expect will buy this car?" It's a stupid question, like asking Henry Kissinger if he thinks the Tampa Bay Buccaneers will go all the way this year. But this time, a don't-use-my-name GM marketing type replied: "It's gonna be a mid-30s guy with a wife and two kids, and he'll tell the missus they need a practical, run-of-the-mill SUV that will tow the boat, and she's gonna like the sound of a Chevy, nothing fancy. And he'll come home with an SS and never once tell her it's a hot rod, and because of how the thing looks and drives, she'll never know. Bingo-everybody's happy." Go ahead and cry "sexist pig," but we think he's right.
The SS offers a lot of horsepower and utility per dollar spent. Know what? This is the SUV that should have become the Saab 9-7X.
