Quick Spin
What Is It?
At nearly 19 feet long and dripping with what seems like 500 pounds of chrome, the Cadillac Escalade ESV Platinum is the biggest, glitziest, most conspicuously consumptive vehicle in General Motors’ lineup. The stretched ESV variant is almost 20 inches longer than the regular Escalade, with the range-topping Platinum package (available on both lengths) adding a new CTS-inspired grille and front fascia, along with super-bright LED headlights and unique 22-inch wheels. A revised cabin also is included, with aniline and Nuance leather upholstery, olive ash and walnut burl wood trim, various aluminum accents, heated and cooled front cup holders, and a rear-seat entertainment system consisting of two eight-inch overhead monitors and a seven-inch screen in the back of each front headrest.
How Does It Drive?
As with the standard body-on-frame Escalade, the Platinum packs a 403-hp, 6.2-liter V-8 underhood—with cylinder deactivation and E85 compatibility added for 2010—along with a standard six-speed automatic and a choice of rear- or all-wheel drive. The rumbling exhaust note is one of the more entertaining aspects of piloting these trucks. The ESV isn’t blisteringly fast, but it’s plenty quick for something that casts this large a shadow and weighs nearly 6000 pounds. High-sixes from rest to 60 mph are par for the course, as is abysmal fuel economy. All-wheel-drive ESVs aren’t rated by the EPA, but rear-drivers are labeled at 14 mpg in the city and 20 on the highway; we averaged 14 over 540 miles with our AWD example. The big Caddy also turns and stops in a respectable manner—the 22s and the standard magnetorheological shocks make it slightly more planted than its Tahoe and Yukon platformmates—but there’s no escaping its truck-based origins, which make it feel as big and ponderous as a school bus if you hurry it.
How Does It Stack Up?
Almost any large, three-row crossover offers a better driving experience—the Mazda CX-9 remains one of our favorites—but none has the curbside wattage of an Escalade. The Platinum simply goes beyond, especially at night, when the LED headlamps glow with the white-hot light of a supernova. Few vehicles shy of a cube van can match the ESV’s 137 cubic feet of cargo space behind the first row, too, which is up from 109 cubes in the standard-length Escalade. The vastness is enough to swallow a decent-size sofa, provided you have the muscle to fold and remove the heavy third-row seats; the second-row captain’s chairs power fold and tumble against the back of the front buckets. Being truck-based also gives the Caddy significant towing abilities, with the ESV able to tug up to 7800 pounds (regular-length Escalades are rated up to 8300). What results from this is an immensely capable and opulent vehicle that likely will be overkill for 90 percent of prospective buyers. Unless you absolutely need an ultra-glam SUV for school runs and hauling a large boat, we’d recommend better-driving choices such as the Audi Q7 and Mercedes-Benz GL-class.
What’s the Cost?
Our $87,630 ESV Platinum tester is among the most expensive GM vehicles; only the Escalade Platinum hybrid (available solely in regular length) and the Chevrolet Corvette ZR1 wear pricier stickers. The Platinum package amounts to about a $20,000 premium over base, nonhybrid Escalades, and that doesn’t begin to cover fuel costs, insurance premiums, and the piercing glares of more eco-minded motorists. With the Hummer near death, the Escalade is next in line at the Greenpeace firing range. What’s more, we noticed more than a few rough edges and sizable panel gaps in the interior that are unacceptable at this price point. Add in the lack of certain features such as a telescoping steering wheel, along with the poorly packaged rear seats, and the Platinum model is an excess meant more for impressing neighbors and valets than anything resembling utility. At $66,050 to start, the base Escalade ESV seems almost practical by comparison—did we just say that?—but shoppers also would be smart to check out the GMC Yukon XL Denali, which starts at $56,615 and shares much of its mechanicals and structure with the Escalade. Plus you’d look like much less of a hedonistic tool.
