Rental-Car Olympics!

Rental-Car Olympics! Rental-Car Olympics!
Comparison Tests From the March 2011 Issue of Car and Driver

There’s an old joke in our business that asks, “What’s the difference between a German shepherd and an automotive journalist?” Answer: A German shepherd feels guilty when he craps in your car. But the truth is, the so-called press cars the manufacturers lend us for evaluation get better treatment than that. Damaging a press car means professional humiliation, even if it leaves us with a good story to tell the grandkids. So when we come up with a plan for some automotive mischief—something that tests the boundaries of good judgment—we try to spare the fleet of press vehicles we rely on for our normal testing.

Rental cars, however, are an entirely different story. This story, to be more precise. We recall the words of noted author (and occasional C/D contributor) P.J. O’Rourke: “There’s a lot of debate on this subject—about what kind of car handles best. Some say a front-engined car; some say a rear-engined car. I say a rented car. Nothing handles better than a rented car.” That may be true, but which rented car handles best? And which agency is the best at handling your business? To find out, we put together an octathlon of events at and around the North Carolina Center for Automotive Research that would help us learn a thing or two about rental cars, as well as the agencies that rent them.

Meet Your Olympians

Event #1: The Setup

Purpose: See which rental-car agency gets us into a car with the least hassle.

Arriving at the Raleigh-Durham International Airport, about 80 miles from NCCAR, we review the plan. Each of the four participating staffers is to walk up to a rental-car agency’s counter and request a car with all the trimmings. In order to avoid any duplication in car selection, we aim to pick up our cars one by one and work to inject some variety of style and price into the mix. En route to our first stop—Avis—via the complimentary shuttle, associate online editor Jon Yanca comments that the bus smells like urine. I say it simply smells like bus. Technical director Don Sherman opines that the red-velvet seats resemble “bordello upholstery.”

The rental lot at Avis is full of vehicles ranging from the Toyota Prius and the Nissan Cube to the Dodge Challenger and the Chevrolet Suburban. Sherman, who picks Avis as his agency, asks the clerk for a luxury car. She exhibits a fanatical devotion to Sherman’s request, rejecting the aforesaid machinery. She didn’t find anything suitable in her computerized inventory and eventually walked out to the lot herself to bring back an all-wheel-drive Cadillac CTS4.
Time: 20 minutes.

Next stop is an equally full Enterprise lot. While we wait in a newly renovated lobby complete with a festive Christmas tree, an employee brings out free bottled water for all of us. Associate online editor David Gluckman requests an economy car, but upon learning none is available, he immediately ratchets his aspirations skyward to the Ford Panther platform (of cab, limo, and cop-car fame), settling on a white Lincoln Town Car. The desk agent goes out to the lot with him to perform the walk-around inspection. “I have no idea how much this costs; we didn’t talk money at all,” says Gluckman as we drive to Hertz.
Time: 16 minutes.

Hertz, the largest rental-car brand in the world, has nothing to offer walk-up customers on our Monday in Raleigh. We learn this after waiting 25 minutes as a lone agent handles a line of increasingly annoyed customers. Meanwhile, Yanca and Sherman set out for Dollar. Young Yanca is looking for something fun to drive and is promptly provided with a 2011 Ford Mustang convertible. The agent requests that the interior be cleaned if any of that fun driving results in, er, interior stains.
Time: 10 minutes.

Rebuffed by Hertz, I get a ride to National. The lot looks picked over. I request an economy car because we are still lacking a cheap vehicle in our test fleet. The agent tries to coax the daily rate upward, fails, and then gives me a free upgrade. Taking my pick from the selection of Grand Cherokees and Caravans in the Emerald Club rows, I settle on a Jeep Compass. Hey, somebody had to rent a bottom feeder.
Time: 11 minutes.

Gold: Enterprise
Silver (tie): Avis, Dollar
Bronze: National

Approach the Desk with a Cool Head

The Agreement
Before you run off and try to swamp-buggy race your hired Aveo, take a look at the rental agreement’s fine print. The rental agency hands you a sheet of paper stating terms and conditions. You won’t read it, but you should. No amount of supplemental insurance coverage will save you if you violate these rules. Some clauses are obvious, such as warnings not to drive while intoxicated. Others are more curious. Driving on unpaved roads, towing or pushing anything, using the vehicle as a gypsy cab, or partaking in a race or speed contest—all of these violate the agreement. Go figure. Also, you cannot “with willful disregard” allow damage to the car. Now, the term “willful disregard” is a slippery beast, but if you’ve spray-painted racing numbers on the doors, you’ve pretty well sealed your fate. And for the love of all that is good and right, do not post the video of your antics on YouTube. —MA

Event #2: Sniffs, Scratches, and Stains

Purpose: Test the as-delivered condition of each rental car, jump to conclusions about each agency.

Inside a garage at NCCAR, we inspect the vehicles. All four cars are in a decent state of roadworthiness, but in addition to a few scratches on each, all exhibit some wear and tear. The Avis Cadillac is missing a brake duct and has two badly scratched wheels. The Dollar Mustang is half a quart low on oil. The National Jeep is a half-quart overfilled and leaking at the oil filter, and one of the Enterprise Lincoln’s parking-brake cables has fused to the tailpipe. With more than 22,000 miles on the odometer, the Cadillac’s interior is rough but clean and smells like a combination of cheap cologne and Armor All. The same cannot be said for the Compass. Its rear windows look like they’ve never been cleaned. We pull out our handy black light and discover—to our horror—a splotch of indeterminate origin on the passenger seat. The light’s ultraviolet stare is merciless, but after running it over the interiors of all four cars, we discover that none of the others is so befouled. We find some wadded-up paper and a few cigarette butts under the Town Car’s seats, which might explain the faint dirty-laundry smell. This pushes it to a second-place finish behind the almost-new Mustang. Inspections complete, we continue on to the performance parts of the test.

Gold: Mustang (Dollar)
Silver: Town Car (Enterprise)
Bronze: CTS4 (Avis)

Event 3: Sumo Wrestling

Purpose: Test each car’s heart and mettle.

The idea is simple: Two cars face off nose to nose with a tire in between to minimize scratches. When the flag drops, each driver endeavors to push his opponent’s car backwards. This, by the way, technically violates the “no towing or pushing” part of the rental agreement [see receipt]. In the first duel, the Compass provides almost no resistance to the Mustang. On the other side of the tournament bracket, the CTS4’s superior traction overcomes the heavier Town Car. The Cadillac’s all-wheel drive again proves superior as it trounces the Mustang in the finals. In search of a complete hierarchy, we pit Ford against Lincoln. The Town Car’s open diff proves to be its undoing as the right-rear tire spins madly while the Mustang’s limited-slip rear helps it push forward. Subsequently, the Lincoln finds redemption by besting the sad-sack Compass.

Gold: CTS4
Silver: Mustang
Bronze: Town Car