| Pirelli Zero Corsa Tires Road Test - Where The Wild Things Are
A pants-staining 150 mph around the world-famous Road Atlanta track. Hitting three cones inside a silver Ferrari Maranello 575M. Driving on Pirelli's unparalleled P Zero collection of tires. What do these all have in common? Yes, these are the things I can finally check off my things-to-do-before-I-croak-and-become-worm-food list. Jealous? Of course you are because these are prime examples of why so many of you want this job. Need more? How does 20 gorgeous Venezuelan women catering to your every need sound? It sounded good to me, and that's why I skipped out on this year's Spring Break Tuner Bash in Whack-tona, Florida. While those other editors were sweating to the oldies, walking around with heavy camera equipment, and getting pummeled by the sun's intense rays, I chilled inside the posh Ritz-Carlton in Hot-lanta, Georgia, sippin' on a mimosa and grubbin' on fine meals most of you can't even pronounce. This was my life for three days and two nights. The reason? Simple. Pirelli, the choice tire of manufacturers like Ferrari, threw its annual world launch of new products in the ATL and invited press from around the world to test out its latest high-performance radials, visit its state-of-the-art facility, and experience the sights of Pirelli-sponsored Road Atlanta. It was definitely an affair I'll tell my grandchildren about.
Venezuela Or BustWherever Venezuela is, I'm definitely moving there. Donned in their skin-tight Pirelli outfits, the beautiful Venezuelan ladies made what would have been the ultimate sausage fest into a take-your-wedding-ring-off, pop-the-Viagra carnival. Those girls were so solid, they had me brushing up on my Spanish while searching for a map to South America, or wherever the hell it's located.
La Coche-Racha, La Coche-RachaLet me break this down to you nice and easy. In one whole day, I drove a BMW 330Ci coupe, an Audi TT, a Lexus IS300, a Mini Cooper, a Mercedes-Benz ML500, a Panoz Esperante, a Subaru WRX, and a Ferrari Maranello. And when I say drive, I don't mean valet-parking-here's-your-ticket-sir driving, I mean lose-control-wet-and-dry-track-exceeding-the-limits-where's-my-driving-gloves driving. These cars were no joke to begin with, and going triple digits in them not only left skidmarks on the tracks but also inside my tight chonies.
Track To Life, Track To RealityAlong with abusing Road Atlanta's famous pavement with the P Zero collection, Pirelli also set out other cone-laden tracks for us to test the tires-a wet-and-dry slalom, a tire-comparison skidpad, a lengthy autocross track, and a timed autocross inside the oh-so-nice Maranellos. Sounds easy enough, right? But with the Super Street reputation of not knowing a clutch from a brake pedal on the line, I had the unwanted pressure of showing the other journalists that we can indeed motor around a track in a swift and timely manner. So, in true Super Street fashion, I squealed like a girl while driving the Esperante 150 mph down the 70-foot drop on the Road Atlanta track, got queasy after two laps on the slalom, and embarrassingly hit three cones on my way to second to last place in the timed Maranello event. Hey, at least we know how to drive automatics.
Doing The RobotPirelli's fully automated factory, the Modular Integrated Robotized System (MIRS), hosts dozens of red robots that will not only take your job, but will also produce tires-from compounds to the finished product-faster than you can say, "Yo tengo los dedos sucios para ti." The MIRS robots can produce one tire every three minutes. It was amazing to see these 12-foot-high robots working together, eating doughnuts, sleeping on the job, and making the Pirelli tires. Located in Rome, Georgia, the $100-million MIRS plant employs a total of 300 people, and produces approximately 300,000 ultra-high-performance tires annually.
Rubber Up And Down 'Til She Says StopPirelli introduced four new tires in Atlanta: the M+S all-season version of the P Zero Nero, P Zero Corsa, the Scorpion STR, and the Scorpion Zero Asimmetrico. The P Zero Corsa was the preferred tire for the cars we drove, simply because the ultra-low-profile was made strictly for circuit driving and maximum grip. Transferring hundreds of horsepower on the asphalt, the P Zero Corsas undeniably helped me stay within the barricades, while giving me the confidence to step on it during the "S" turns. In the tire-comparison skidpad, the P Zero Corsas outperformed the more slippery Michelins. In fact, the majority of the journalists were utterly surprised at the outstanding grip. I, on the contrary, was just glad I didn't crash into other cars. I had a hard time driving, especially when the Venezuelan girls were watching my every move-or at least I dreamt they were looking at me. Nonetheless, I did feel ultimate grip when I was on the car equipped with the P Zero Corsa tires, as it was near effortless to turn and accelerate. These new rubbers are made to fit around wheels 17 to 18 inches. Overall, I was impressed with Pirelli and its new tires. I may even forego my plans to move to Venezuela and save up to buy these new tires. Viva Caracas!